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The ADHD Marriage Workbook: A User-Friendly Guide to Improving Your Relationship, by Michael T. Bell
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Product details
Paperback: 152 pages
Publisher: Echo Point Books & Media (March 1, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0963878468
ISBN-13: 978-0963878465
Product Dimensions:
8.5 x 0.3 x 11 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
3.7 out of 5 stars
14 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#424,614 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I had such high hopes for this book, considering the couple of good reviews where they seemed to have actually read and worked with the book. Yeah well... that was a mistake. Yes, I have ADD and yes, my spouse & I are having issues, some of which relate to my ADD and some of which do not. However, I have been trying to find good resources for us to work through them since our work schedules make us unable to go to therapy as a couple. So, I ordered the workbook & waited, hoping that this one might actually be one that would help us figure out and work on our issues, since I thought it was geared toward helping couples work on issues when one has ADD. That could not have been further from the truth.First of al, the book is horribly outdated. The publishers page says it was copyrighted in 2012. However, one big giveaway that this was written ages ago is when he talks about Adderall XR having been released "last year" when it was released in 2001. He also only ever references the DSM-IV when discussing diagnosis & symptoms, but DSM-V was released in 2013 and those criteria and symptoms have been updated and revised.This is not a "couples" workbook. This is a self-help workbook for a spouse that has ADD to try and make themselves a better partner for their significant other. It's not about the two spouses identifying issues that arise from the one's ADD and determining *together* how to fix the issue. It is completely geared toward the premise that the ADD spouse has issues they need to fix and the non-ADD spouse is pretty much perfect and doesn't have any issues of their own that need to be worked through. Except for the first section where he recommends the spouses both complete the rating of which areas they think are important and the section about sexual intimacy, where it asks questions like what's your fantasy sexual experience & what would make sex life better (but at the same time admonishes them not to give an answer that would make your spouse uncomfortable) and has spaces for your response & your love's response. Even the premise behind the whole "Love Bank" section is that the ADD parter will have far more emotional "withdrawals" from the Love Bank, so they need to make more effort making "deposits" to make their spouse feel more loved.The entirety of the workbook is full of victim blaming and exercises to make the ADD person see where they are screwing up and how they can fix things. Prime example was a "real life" couples excerpt about a couple where the ADD person had become a stay at home mom and agreed to take on all the housecleaning duties as part of their "agreement" for her to stay at home. Problem was that she hated mopping & dusting, so she avoided doing them by finding other things to do, going to see her mom, her sister, etc. Ok, sucks, but if you have ADD you KNOW what hell on earth it is to to be made to do chores that you despise with a passion (i'll avoid folding laundry till the day I die). But his conclusion at the end of the example? "The reality was that Emily's avoidance of a few chores that took a relatively small amount of her time per week was triggering events that were placing the relationship in jeopardy. How much easier would it have been to just fight through the avoidance and do the two hours' worth of chores?" (direct quote, page 51) Again - victim blaming anyone?So, as I said in the title to this review, this is NOT a workbook for couples. This is a workbook for an ADD person to use when they're convinced that their ADD is the root of all the problems in their relationship and they think that answering a bunch of questions will give them the insight to "fix" their ADD and suddenly have a perfect marriage.While I do write reviews of the things I order on Amazon, I have never wanted to write a lengthy review detailing what I liked or didn't like about a product. I love reading them (both the 5 stars AND the 1 stars) and think they often help me decide on what I want to buy, but I just never have the mental time to sit down and write one myself. However, my reaction to this "couples workbook" after I read through it (and yes, I read every word in it) was such that I felt it needed better details about what the book offered for those that were thinking about getting it.
A great idea in itself, but how many ADHD spouses will actually DO their part of the book? Not mine, even though initially, he was interested. Nothing new.
It's challenging to get a husband with ADHD to actually complete any workbook, but it is helping him see how many areas of his life are affected by ADHD
I bought this to share with clients. It's a hit.
Bought this about a year or 2 ago, and with true ADHD fashion, i have only done about 1 exercise. lol. Great book though.
Good read!
I'm someone with ADD (no hyperactivity) married to someone with ADHD. I haven't finished the workbook yet, but I'm finding it very helpful.
If I were someone who regularly diagnosed adults with ADHD, I would order cases of this workbook and give them out to everyone who was newly diagnosed. I remember when I was newly diagnosed, I had no idea how broadly ADHD affected my life--including my relationship with my husband.Most of the ADHD books out there seem to claim to be "ADHD-friendly"; usually this means that the author anticipates that readers will read a bit at a time. This book actually IS ADHD-friendly, because the entire structure of the book is based on getting readers the information that will be most beneficial to them. The whole workbook is straightforward and to the point. The first chapter is titled "Getting All You Can From This Book", and it briefly summarizes each of the chapters and encourages the ADHD reader (and the non-ADHD partner!) to rate how useful particular topics sound. The author has several chapters that he thinks are for everyone, but then readers are encouraged to skip around or skim and use relevant portions. The actual chapters are each pretty short, so it's easy to work through this gradually without losing anything. Most of the chapters have a basic discussion of how the issue applies to adults with ADHD and why it matters, sometimes there is a relevant story and/or tips for how to deal with that issue, and then there are exercises (questions with space for you to answer).The author is a psychotherapist, but he also has ADHD, so he does include very relevant information. Throughout the workbook, you almost feel like he is a friend who can relate, because he opens up and shares many of his own experiences. I felt like the author was very likeable.Although this book is called "The ADHD Marriage Workbook," it really isn't only about marriage. As far as I could tell, as I worked through the workbook, there are two main ways that this workbook is beneficial to marriages: first, the author encourages the ADHD spouse to work through the workbook with the non-ADHD spouse. (Many exercises specifically include the non-ADHD spouse.) Second, some of the content is specifically about marriage. Many of the example stories are examples from other people's relationships, and some of the chapters emphasize how ADHD affects relationships (the sexual intimacy chapter and a chapter about sharing responsibilities come to mind). So, if you're hoping to improve your marriage, this workbook will help with that, BUT if you're not married, or even not in a relationship at all, don't let the title throw you off--your ADHD is definitely affecting your life and your interactions with other people, and this workbook addresses those things. You don't actually need to go through the workbook with a spouse (or anyone else) to benefit. (Although if you do, it will definitely be helpful.)I thought the main strength of this workbook is that it very adequately addresses the ADULT symptoms of ADHD. For me it was a good reminder of all of the ways that ADHD affects my life and my marriage. Because the official diagnostic criteria are for symptoms that are seen in children, sometimes ADHD books have trouble applying or translating those symptoms to adults. I felt that this author treated the subject of retroactive diagnosis really well. The topics covered in the workbook were well selected, and I think any adult with ADHD will find some sections that are useful.Another great thing about this workbook is that it increases awareness. It is extremely important in relationships for people to be on the same page. I remember when my husband and I discovered how much ADHD was affecting our marriage; sometimes I was being careless, and he felt like I was deliberately doing things that were harming our relationship. Once he realized I was just being careless, the things that were problems were still problems, but they were much less frustrating, because he knew I was genuinely trying to make our relationship good. This book is a perfect springboard for discussion, especially between married couples.There were a couple things I didn't really like about this workbook. The author refers to ADHD (or AD/HD) as "ADD" throughout the book. There is a note at the beginning of the book explaining his rationale for doing that, but it still bothered me (although it may not bother other readers). Also, some of the content is directed more toward men with ADHD; more men have ADHD, and the author is a man, so this isn't really surprising, but it made some of the content less relevant for me.Overall, this workbook is quite good, and I really recommend it especially for anyone who is newly diagnosed, or anyone who wants a book that is very direct and to-the-point that will help them improve their life, and especially their relationship.
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